Guys, just because facial hair trends are considered “hip”, doesn’t mean you won’t look like a complete and total asshat. Trendy does not equal style. Once more for good measure: trendy does NOT equal style. Need more convincing? OK, take the 1980s as a prime example. You know what the trendiest hairstyle was back then? A freakin’ mullet! Do you think any self-respecting man looks back and says, “Wow, I really rocked the hell out of that mullet! So glad I decided to do that!”
We’ll spare you the suspense — the answer is NO. Don’t feed into the hype! Rise above it! No matter how many Instagram moments you think you’re missing out on, we promise that you’ll thank us in the end. Live your best live with unironic, simple facial hair.
For the dumbest facial hair trends we could find, keep scrolling!
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Image Via Instagram/beardamentsofficial
Beard Ornaments
Look, we understand that the holidays are a festive time of joy and cheer, but should you decide to partake in this ridiculous beard trend — you’re ruining Christmas for everyone, we promise. Ornaments are meant for trees, not for men.
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Image Via Instagram
Beard Bowl
Is this freakin’ awesome? Absolutely. Is it also disgusting and unhygienic? Absolutely. Ramen noodles are delicious, but they taste best with Sriracha — NOT coarse, pubic-like hairs. We totally get the whole shock value of this look, but please, please refrain from jumping on this culinary facial hair bandwagon.
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Image Via Getty
The Handlebar Mustache
Are you a 1930s villain or bank robber? No? OK — so, in short, a handlebar mustache is literally never appropriate to your aesthetic. It’s not whimsical, it’s creepy.
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Image Via Getty
Flower Beards
We will make a single exception to this trend — if you’re at Coachella, feel free to rock this look. Otherwise, you look like a Hipster d-bag. Erm, actually, you know what? We’d like to retract the Coachella exemption. No matter where you are, flowers in your beard = Hipster d-bag.
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Image Via Getty
Glitter Beards
We happen to think that while this trend looks really cool, it happens to be incredibly dangerous. Glitter is no joke. Have you ever gotten that sh*t in your eye? Yeah, good luck not going blind! We couldn’t imagine covering an entire beard in glitter and thusly, we think this look needs to die — ASAP.
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Image Via Getty
Half And Half
Honestly, this is just lazy. What excuse do you have to not fully complete your shave? Even worse, if you dared to ask a barber for this look he’d most likely smack you upside the head. Shave it or leave it. This whole commitment-phobia BS is bad enough with dating, don’t let it extend to you damn facial hair.
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Image Via Getty
What The F*ck This Is
Guys, if there’s one thing you take away from this article, let it be this — never leave the house with a monstrosity like this on your face. Joking or not, it’s alarming and we suspect that any child who sees you will start crying on sight.
Lead Image Via Getty
By FHM Editor
